I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
