...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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