I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
