Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize