there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
