sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He kissed a someone with a penis
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
