Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
so much tequila, so little girl.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
