she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
