How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
