That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
