Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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