They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
