Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
