I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
