i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
