Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
