i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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