She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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