You're a womanizer and a bitch.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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