Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
