I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
