she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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