I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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