I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
