I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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