i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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