am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
