Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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