Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
