it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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