her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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