Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
4 words: hood of his car
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
