Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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