Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
