Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
