I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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