Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
