Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
