I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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