I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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