You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
