He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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