dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize