sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
