How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
