I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
