yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
