How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
