he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
