if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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