I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
