i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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