my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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