If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
