I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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