Small penises have feelings too.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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