the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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