so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize