To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
