You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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