i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
