Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
