I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
