Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
