First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
