Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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