the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
