you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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