Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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