I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
