so explain again why im purple
no
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
