Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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