She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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