You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
