grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Mom said you looked used
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
