Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
