There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
