It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
