My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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