The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
