listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
