I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
