I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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