then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
