Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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