I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
