Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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