saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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