I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
