I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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