My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
