two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
