I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have feelings that need drinking.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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