ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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