How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
