the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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