Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
