So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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