my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
