If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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