I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
