she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
