how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize