we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
