Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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