they need to just BURY HIM!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
