I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
