we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
