On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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