I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
